STUPID MAMA'S SMS JOKE

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→ Yo Star Trek nerd so hairy she make Chewbacca look like Jean Luc Picard.

→ Your house is so disgusting that I tripped over a rat, got bitten by a tarantula and to top it off - the cockroaches nicked ma wallet...

→ I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest wilderbeast.

→ I could have been Yo daddy, but the gorilla in front of me in line didn't use a condom.

→ If yo Momma n Poppa got a divorce, heck, they'd still be Brother and Sister

→ Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the living room, the radio skips

→ I got on the train last night - they had a new sign up reading - "Maximum Occupancy: 200 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

→ Yo grannie's so fat, on each of her butt cheeks she has "Place Your Ad Here" printed.

→ Yo mama's a stunt double for the Predator

→ Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty.

→ Yo sista so fat that she gets runs in her Levi's

→ Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a Triet - She's all like - "Whatever yo eating ... I'll try it!"

→ Yo Mother in law's so fat, she was floating in the Atlantic ocean and Spain claimed her as a New World.

→ Yo mama's so fat, she gobbles down Cookies as if they were tic-tacs

→ Your moma's so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

→ Yo mama's so large, she went to get an all over tan and the sun burned out...

→ Your mamma's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.

→ Yo AOL buddy so stupid when the Computer said 'Press any key to continue', she phoned support complaing she couldn't find the 'any' key...

→ Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

→ You mama's so daft she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.

→ Yo Cousin so stupid that when I said I was going to Thailand she asked me if they still sold Kippers....


 

→ Your so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about ye!

→ Yo Nana so ugly she didn't get hit with an ugly stick, but with THE ugly log.

→ I was speaking to your parents - they told me you was such an ugly baby they had to feed you with a slingshot.

→ Yo' kid brother so hairy, when I took him to the zoo the gorillas went ape shit thinking I had stole one of their babies...

→ Yo mama only got 1 finger and runs around stealing key rings.

→ Yo auntie Ethel's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.

→ Yo mama's like the new AOL 7.0: Fast, fun, oh so easy and you get 100 hours FREE

→ Yo brother's mouth so damn enormous, he speaks in Dolby surround sound!

→ Yo girlfriend's hips are so big, folk set their drinks on them. Your Noggin's so damn big you gotta wash yer hair in the Niagra Falls...

→ Yo Mama's so freakin nasty, I talked to her over the PC and she gave me a virus.

→ Yo mama's like a pirate, there she blows
Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and "OH
MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!"
 

→ Yo mama so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing she said moving.
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so damn stupid on a job application it said "sex" and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.
 

→ Paris and Rico walked into the locker room holding his side and bending over. Paris says "ow man im so sore" Dario asks " whats wrong?" Paris replies " man yo mama was rough last night" Rico adds " she needs to loosen up"
 

→ Yo mama such a dirty whore that they're having to paternity test the whole state of Texas just to find out who yo daddy is!
 

→ Yo mamma so old that in the back seat of your car, kids don't say 'Are we there yet', they scream, 'Is she Dead yet!'
 

→ Yo mamas so hairy wen u were born u almost died of rugburn
 

→ Yo mama smells so bad, when she went to make friends with a skunk, the skunk got hit by a truck on purpose!
 

→ Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and nearly pissed her
pants

→ Yo mama so fat her logo is "we are family, burger king, mc donalds and
me..."
 

→ Yo mama so fat she has all the food caterers on speed dial
 

→ Yo mama is so big she tripped over wal-mart and landed on target and evey time she passes by the t.v. i miss a seoson of friends
 

→ Your mommas so old someone told her to act her age and she died
 

→ Yo mama so poor that when i stepped on a cigarette she cried, hey, who turned off the heater.
 

→ Your sister is so ugly she reminds me of your mom.
 

→ Yo mamma so ugly, yo daddy would rather kiss her ass before going work everyday
 

→ Your moms so ugly the mailman mistacked her as the dog.
 

→ You mama so fat she stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine
 

→ This is a fact, yo mama's breath Is wack, she needs a tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack
I don't mean to be mean, but yo mama needs listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle.
 

→ Yo Mama's teeth are so yellow, cars slow down when she smiles!
Yo Mama's breath is so bad, she made a tic tac run away!
 

→ Your jokes are so corny that the corns on your toes got jealous.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she was arrested for 1st degree murder.
 

→ Yo mama like a fast food restaraunt - quick and easy!!!
 

→ Yo moma is so fat when it rains she uses a highway for a slip 'n' slide
 

→ Yo mamma so damn fat that when she traveled back to the dinosaur times and she took a step the dinosaurs said what the hell is happing...oh shit its a real damn earthquake.
 

→ Your mama so stupid when she saw a kid dress as a devil in halloween she thouth she was in hell 
 

→ Yo Momma's so ugly, even Sloth from the Goonies wouldn't date her.
 

→ Yo mama like a shotgun - five cocks and shes loaded
 

→ Yo Mamma so damn ugly she makes Anne Ramsey look like J Lo.
 

→ Yo' mamma so ugly she got arrested for vandalizing a mirror shop.
 

→ Yo mama so stupid she put a peep hole in a glass door
 

→ Yo mama like nascar - two rubbers and shes ready to ride.
 

→ Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind man cry!
 

→ Yo mamma so old, fat and hairy, that when she took you to the zoo the zookeepers thought a silverback Gorilla had abducted you!
 

→ Yo mama so fat, that when u were born, they had 2 send out a search party to find ya!
 

→ Yo mama soooo ugly, she works as a double for Saddam Hussein.
 

→ Yo moma so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speachless

→ Yo mama soooo poor she can't even pay attention!

→ Yo kid brother so damn ugly that the kids at school have started saying, "Hey Gollum, give us your autograph"

→ Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, "Hey, the School Bus is here!"

→ Yo mama so0o0o fat, she takes baths in the Atlantic Ocean
→ Listen buddy, your mommy is so freakin dumb that if you told her pappa was a rolling stone, she'd tell her momma to put mick jagger on child support!
→ Yo Momma so damn fat the Police where going to use her as an emergency air mattress when Michael Jackson started dangling his baby.
→ Hey, yo momma so damn fat when her beeper goes off people turn around to see if she is backin up!!

→ Yo moma so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat all the people yell "taxi"

→ Yo mama's so damn fat that when she was kidnapped her face covered every side of the milk carton!

→ You so ugly when a friend walked you into school the teachers said sorry no pets aloud!

→ Your Mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the super bowl.

→ Yo Mama's so damn ugly that she turned your dad gay.

→ Yo mama's so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.

→ Hey, your Momma is so sluttie I'd call her a hoe but hoes' get paid.

→ Yo Mamas so damn greasy that she has to use bacon for a bandaid.

→ Yo' mama so dumb she got locked inside Matress World and slept on the floor.

→ Yomomma so hairy that when she puts her arm to her side it looks like she has Don King in a headlock.
→ Yo mama so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.

→ Yo mama so fat that when she went to sea world the little kids ran away and told their parents that a whale escaped.

→ Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!

→ Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.

→ Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
 

→ Your mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

→ Yo Mama so damn old she used to Gang Bang with the Flintstones and had an affair with Captain Caveman.

→ Yo mamas so fat she shoved a battery up her ass and yelled "I got the Power!".

→ Yo mama so stupid and clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.

→ Yo mama soooo fat, she put on a yellow dress and the kids thought she was the school bus.

→ Yo' Sista's just like a like a Popsicle - everybody wants a fuckin lick!

→ Yo Mamma's so hairy she just got an armpit trim and lost 20 pounds!

→ Yo Moma sooooo ugly, I could have been yo Daddy but the dog beat me under the fence!

→ Yo momma is soooooo stupid, she wears a t-shirt that says "hukd on fonicks woorkd fo mi"

→ Yo mam like a screen door - after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.

→ Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!

→ Yo mama so stupid she puts a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept
→ I heard that Yo mama is on the warpath - she lost a finger and now can't count past 9...

→ Yo mama so nasty when she masterbates, she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.

→ Yo mama's blind and is seeing another man.

→ Yo mama's glasses are so damn thick she can see into the future.

→ Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

→ You gotta tell yo moma to stop changing lipstick color - I'm now getting a freakin Rainbow on my d**k!

→ Yo sista so damn stupid on her last job application where it said 'Sex?' she marked "M, F, and occasionally on a Thursday too.."

→ You' big brother so damn stupid that on his last job application, under emergency contact he put 999 (911).

→ Yo mam is so stupid - I just aks her about her X-Men and she said: "Well, my first baby's daddy was Jimmy...and I still see Johnny on Fridays...."

→ Yo Grannie so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

→ Yo Mother in law's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.

→ Yo Momma's like a Snickers bar - packed full with with nuts.

→ Yo ex-girlfriend's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

→ Yo mama's like a race car driver...she burns a lot of rubbers...

→ Yo Auntie just like the Suez Canal - Vessels full of Seamen passing through everyday...

→ Yo gilfriends's afro so damb big, when the bitch got in my car everyone thought I had tinted 

windows.
→ Yo Mama ass so huge she take up 5 rows in the cinema...

→ Yo Papa's so short, he tried to commit suicide with a pin.

→ Yo Grannie's so enormous that when she went to the drycleaners to hand in her underwear, they put up a sign - 'NO PARACHUTES ALLOWED'

→ You Biology teacher so freakin stupid she thinks that DNA is the National Dyslexics Association.

→ Yo' best friend so idiotic she thoughtt Menopause was a button on her walkman.

→ You Momma so fat and stupid that her waist is bigger than her I.Q.

→ Tell Yo' girlfriend my Dog wanna know how much he owes her for last night...

→ Yo' papa so damn strange that he invented a water-proof teabag.\

→ Yo mother in law so bald that when she put on a sweater, folk thought she was a roll on deoderant!
→ Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?→ I heard yo house was made out of bog paper - why? cuz your whole family full of crap!

→ Yo kid brother so fat and ugly Peter Jackson offered him the part of the Cave Troll in lord of the rings

→ You Nose so damn big that we use yer snotters as Footballs.

→ Yo Momma so mad that she even made Kurt Russell escape from LA.

→ Yo Nana so ghetto she washes paper plates.

→ Oi, yo need to tell you mama to stop wearing the blue lipstick...I got balls like a smurf now!

→ You so skinny, you turned sideways and disappeared.

→ Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it remind me of stitches.

→ Yo Mama so fat when she steps on a scale it reads "One at a time, please".

→ Yo mama so fat and stupid that she was fired from Forrest Gump cuz she kept eating the box of chocolates.

→ Yo Sista so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.

→ Yo Mama so poor that she uses tumbleweed as a Xmas tree.
→ You Mommy so hairy she's got afros on her nipples.

→ Yo' mama breath so disgustingly bad that she needs Freshmints with batteries in it

→ Yo Papa's like an old arcade machine - toss in a quarter and you can play with his joystick.
→ Yo mama such a bitch, she interned for Clinton.
 

→ I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

→ she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

→ she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

→ she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

→ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

→ when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

→ she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

→ she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

→ she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

→ she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

→ she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

→ she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
→ she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

→ I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

→ it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

→ she invented a silent car alarm.

→ that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

→ she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

→ she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

→ she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

→ she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

→ she lost her shadow.

→ she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

→ she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

→ she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

→ she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

→ when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

→ Anything Yo's - So Damn Stupid...

→ Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!

→ Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'

→ Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.
→ Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase 

of a blackout...

→ Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.

→ Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.

→ Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.
→ Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler
→ Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.
→ Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.
→ Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.
→ Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...

→ Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.

→ Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama
→ Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps

→ You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...

→ Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.
→ Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.
→ Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.
→ Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets
→ Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest
→ Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!
→ Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.
→ Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.
→ Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.
→ Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut
→ Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out 

of 3rd grade.
→ Yo Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of 

flip flops.
→ You Grandma's so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.
→ Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!
→ Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was...
→ Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says 'You've got mail" she runs outside to wait 

for the Postman

→ Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed

→ Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - 'Hundreds and thousands'

→ Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail

→ Yo mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!

→ Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section with a fishing rod

→ Yo Uncle so stupid...heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!

→ Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield

→ Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice

→ Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...
→ Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a 

crime, punishable by lethal injection.
→ Your doctor's so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope

→ Yo Mama So Ugly

→ she put the Boogie man outta business.

→ she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt

→ when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."

→ when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'

→ she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

→ minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
→ they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.

→ when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!

→ yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...

→ she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
→ she was a guard at Snake Mountain
→ they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
→ even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
→ they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
→ she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
→ Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
→ you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
→ she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.

→ we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
→ I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
→ her shadow gave up.
→ people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
→ her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
→ when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
→ hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
→ instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
→ they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
→ she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
→ when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
→ even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
→ when she was born the Doc smacked her face.

→ Anything Yo's - So Ugly...

→ Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.

→ Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs shit themselves.→ Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics→ Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.→ Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.→ Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.→ Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.→ Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!→ Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.→ You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.→ Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.
→ Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.→ Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!→ Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!→ Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...→ Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?→ Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...→ Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.→ Yo Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.→ You Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.→ Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.→ Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.→ Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.→ Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.→ Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...→ Yo mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???→ Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.→ Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3→ Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.→ Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair→ Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...→ Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!
 

→ Yo Moma So Old

→ she left her purse on Noah's Ark.→ Jurassic Park brought back the memories...→ when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.→ she still owes Moses a dollar.→ when she was at school...there was No history class!→ she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea→ she's got the first autographed Koran.→ she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.→ when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock→ she even made Yoda jealous.→ she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.→ the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake→ when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.→ she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade→ her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.→ vher birthday expired.→ when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!→ she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
 

→ Anything Yo's - So Old ...

→ Yo Grandpa so old his social security number is 000-000-001→ Yo Priest so old he's got Adam and Eve's autograph→ Yo Archeology Professor so old we found cave drawings of her.→ Your Wife getting so old she startin to fart out Mummy dust→ You Postman so damn old his zip code is 00001.→ Yo' geeky Star Wars friend so old he used to baby sit Yoda→ Yo Doctor so old he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.→ Yo hairdresser so old she used to cut Betty Rubble's hair→ You so old you used to gang bang wid the Flintstones→ Yo' home helper so old she was once a waitress at the last supper→ Yo Grannie so old Spielberg hired her as historical consultant on Jurassic Park→ Yo Nana so old she the only Creature in Jurassic Park they never had to animate→ You Gardener so old she uses T-Rex dropping as fertilizer.→ Yo History teacher so damn old he was co-author of the Dead Sea scrolls→ Your Aunties so old that when God said 'let there be light', she was the one flicking on the light switch.→ Yo Math teacher so old he baby-sat for Pythagorus→ Yo Minister so old he used to get sermon tips from Zeus.→ Yo Bookie so old he offered odds of 4 to 1 on Adam eating the apple→ Yo Poppa so old and ugly they call him Captain Caveman→ Yo sister so old she's more ancient than everything seen on the Antiques Road Show→ yo' Mother in law so old she the only one at the old folks home with a senior citizens discount.→ Yo' Papa so ancient that Mel Gibson hired him to offer insights on what life was like with William Wallace→ I told yo big sister to act her own age...and she died.→ You Dog so old it farts out dust.→ Yo Boyfriend so old his birth certificate says "Expired" on it.→ Yo Computer geek friend so old he used to babysit Pascal→ Your Girlfriend's so old, she invented the term 'oldest profession in the world'→ Yo' mother-in-law so ancient she's in Jesus's yearbook!→ Yo Gardener's so damn old he remembers when the Garden of Eden was just a plant→ Yo' big brother so old, he used to run Track with dinosaurs.→ Your mother-in-law so freakin old she's got ROman Numerals on her birth certificate
 

→ Yo Moma So Poor

→ that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.→ they put her photo on food stamps.→ when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.→ she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.→ burglars break into her home and leave money.→ when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.→ the building society repossed her cardboard box.→ she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.→ each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers→ she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.→ when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.→ I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.→ when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'→ I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."→ I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"→ I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."→ only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...→ when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."→ she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.→ closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...→ she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.→ I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"→ I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"→ I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.→ she does drive by shootings on the school bus.→ when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"
 

→ Anything Yo's - So Poor...

→ You're so poor even Beggars give you money.→ Yo Grannie so damn poor she bounces food stamps.→ Your Teachers so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.→ Yo Priest so poor he uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.→ Yo Doctor so poor, he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.→ You family so poor you's live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.→ Yo sister is so po...shit, she can't even afford them last 2 letters!→ Yo Dentist is so poor she uses white-out/tippex as your tooth filler.→ Yo' Cleaner so poor she can't afford a mop - she stands on her head in order to mop the floor...→ Yo Poppa so poor his idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the 'yellow snow'...and yo loved it, didn't ya!→ You Star Wars friend so insanely poor that I walked into his house, asked to use the bathroom, and he handed me a shovel saying: "May the force be with you."→ Yo Father so poor that when I aks him what for dinner, he take off his shoelaces and says - Spaghetti!→ Yo older sis getting so poor she's planning on getting married...just so she can get the rice at the wedding.→ Your lecturer so poor he uses his cardboard box as a blackboard.→ Yo' so poor, you get more government handouts than an English farmer→ Yo' best friend so poor he have to fart just to get a scent (cent).→ Yo Gossiping wife so poor she can't even afford to put her two cents into this conversation...→ Yo Grannie so poor that when I asked her what's for dinner, she tried to throw ME in the oven!→ Yo' Mommy so poor I went over for dinner, saw 3 beans on the table...took one and she said - "Don't be greedy!"→ You Auntie's so poor she gotta live in a 2-story Dorritos bag...→ Yo big brother so freakin poor I stepped on his old banged up skateboard and he yelled - "Get off my F****in CAR"→ Yo Computer geek friend so poor he uses a Commodore 64 to surf the web.→ Your pimp so poor he just bought an imitation of a fake Rolex→ Yo Reverand so poor the congregation run over animals outside the church just to help with food...→ Yo Gardener's so damn poor that when I pissed in his yard he thanked me for watering the lawn...→ Yo Mama's so damn poor, her front porch matt says 'Wel'...→ You so piss poor...hold on, you don't have a pot to piss in or even a window to throw it out of...→ Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - "Who turned out the lights?"→ Yo Nana so sickenly poor I walks into her house, asked to use the toilet and she hand me 2 large sticks. I ask what they're for and she says: "Use one to hold up the ceiling...use the other to fight off the cockroaches..."→ Yo half-sister so damn poor even the Republicans were willing to give her welfare.
 

→ Anything Yo's....

→ Yo Mamma's feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes.→ Yo' Grannies neck so damn wrinkled, I use it as a cheese grater.→ I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all...→ Your pet Cat so freakin nasty it bit ma dog and gave it rabies.→ Yo Auntie so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.→ Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.→ Damn it, just realised that last yo is as old as the crust in yo Sister's knickers...→ You liked that mama joke didn't ya? Good?...well, nowhere near as good as Yo Mama was last night :)→ But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I'd just wipe it off Yo Mamma's chin...→ Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!→ You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..→ Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.→ Your Grandpa's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.→ Yo Star wars geeky friend so damn hairy, she's a stunt double for Chewbacca and her baby daughter played the leader of the Ewoks (no makeup needed).→ Yo English teacher so damn stupid, she failed a survey...→ Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night...→ Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.→ Yo mama's like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go get some Head and Shoulders...she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!→ Your IM buddies so damn stanky, I can smell them over the interweb→ Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.→ Yo idiotic Doctor so damn greasy that he uses Bacon as a bandaid→ Yo Dog so short it's best friend is an Ant.→ Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.→ Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change...→ The first line in the Bible was mistranslated - it actually reads - 'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and yo' fat ugly Mama'→ Yo Grandpa's house so damned cold, the Roaches ice skate around the kitchen.→ Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!→ I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job...→ Yo baby sista's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...→ Yo Mam so damn ugly, look like the ho was hit by the whole freakin Ugly Tree!!!→ Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read 'All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and Father of Yo' Mama'...→ I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel's ass and scared the hump off of it!→ Yo Driving Instructor so damn old he got hieroglyphics on his Driver license.→ Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school→ I took yo Mama to the Doctor's - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me she's contracted 'Tony'...→ Yo Boss so damn ugly that when he leaned out the window the Police arrested him for attempted murder→ That Grandpa of your's so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes...→ Yo wee brother so damn hairy that he went for a short back and sides and lost 30 pounds...→ Yo mama's chest hair so damn long, it growing all the way down to her willy.→ Yo mama's so nice, she offered me the hair off her back.→ Yo Mother in law so nasty, she got more clap than an auditorium.→ I's apologise for talkin bout Yo Mama...I should know better...hell, I don't even know the Man...→ No seriously, under all that hair yo Mama is really a Saint....a saint Bernard!→ But really, yo Mamma is just like a golf course - everybody gets a hole in one!→ Yo Nana still so fat she wears a Microwave as a beeper.→ And yo Mother-in-law so huge she stole my pillow cases when she ran outta socks.→ Yo mama should be locked away, cos every time she moons people they turn into werewolves→ She nasty too ya know - yo daddy just got out of hospital after eating her out - he caught food poisining...→ Yo'momma so ugly she actually is very good at her job: Being a scarecrow

→ Yo Momma Like

→ a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.→ a bus - only 50 pence a ride→ a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!→ a shotgun - first she cocks...then she blows.→ a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...→ a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go→ an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds→ a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!→ the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.→ a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.→ Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.→ a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...→ a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.→ McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...→ a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.→ the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her→ a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it→ peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

 

→ Anything Yo's

→ Yo secretary is like an ATM machine - open 24 hours...→ Yo Female Boss like a 7-11...open 24 hours for your convenience...→ Yo Sister-in-law like a chicken coop - cocks flyin in and out all day...→ Yo' ex-girlfriend just like a squirrel - she always got some nuts in her mouth...→ Your Big sis like the Bermuda triangle...they swallow a whole lotta seamen.→ Yo' Cousin like a Penny...she ain't worth two bob.→ Yo Auntie like a Library - open to the public.→ Your Mummy like Blockbuster Video - everybody goes home happy.→ Your Aunt Mary just like a birthday cake - everybody gets a piece...→ Yo Chip shop assistant like a fine restaraunt - she only take deliviries in rear...
 

→ Yo Momma so Smelly

→ the government make her wear a Biohazard warning→ she made Right Guard call for backup.→ even the dogs won't smell her.→ an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"→ that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...→ she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.→ her poo is glad to escape.→ that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!→ that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...→ that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...→ even sewer rats get outta her way...→ that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...

 

→ Yo Momma so Dirty

→ she has to creep up on the bath water.→ that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.→ that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.→ she lost 2 stone after taking a shower→ that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.→ that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.

 

→ Yo Momma so Greasy

→ Texaco buy oil from her→ she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...→ her freckles slipped off.→ the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry→ she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed→ her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.→ she uses bacon as a band aid.

→ Your Mama So Fat

→ when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...→ she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!→ folk exercise by jogging around her!→ when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.→ she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy→ she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie→ NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer→ she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...→ small objects orbit her.→ she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.→ when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.→ when she farted she launched herself into orbit.→ she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.→ when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!→ she could be the eighth continent.→ she nearly put Safeway out of business→ the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.→ her Uni graduation photo was an aerial→ when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.→ she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.→ her fave food is seconds.→ her belt size is Equator.→ she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid→ she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her→ she shows up on radar.→ she needs a map to find her butt.→ she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!→ she wears an asteroid belt.→ her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'→ she has TB ... 2 bellys.→ she's once, twice, three times a lady.→ she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.→ the circus use her as a trampoline→ stunt agencies use her as an air mattress→ when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'→ she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen→ she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!→ she deep fries her toothpaste.


 

→ Anything Yo's - So Fat...

→ Yo Grannie so damn fat, that if she was an Aeroplane, she'd be a Jumbo Jet.→ Yo Grandpa so fat that he's half Scottish, half Irish and half American→ Yo Wife so fat she fell off a boat and the Captain yelled, "Land Ahoy!!!"→ Yo Priest so fat, when he bungee jumped he went straight to hell...→ Yo Doctor so fat, that when her Beeper goes off folk think she's backing up.→ Yo Auntie so fat when she goes to Gap the only thing she can fit into is the Dressing Room→ Yo Bookie so fat he gotta buy clothes by the furlon→ Yo Dentist so fat that when he burped he blew out all yo mamma's teeth...that why she so ugly!→ Yo Papa's so large when you climb on top of him your ears pop.→ Yo Father so fat that when he sat on a Rainbow skittles fell out.→ Yo Sister so fat that even Richard Simmons can't help laughing→ Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings.→ Yo Father so fat he can't even tie his own shoelaces→ Yo Mama so huge that God created her...and on the seventh day rested.→ Your Kid Sister so fat the Japanese Sumo Wrestling squad had to turn her down.→ Yo Star Trek fan so fat he make Riker's beer belly look 2 atoms thick→ Yo Lawyer's so fat...we're inside her right now.→ Yo' Baker so freakin fat he masturbates when reading cookbooks→ Yo Auntie so fat that Weight Watchers threw her out for breaking the scales.→ Yo Boss so fat that when she calls a board meeting she has to pull herself up a Sofa.→ Yo Air hostess so fat that on a scale of 1 to 10 she a 747.→ Your boyfriend so fat he hasn't seen his feet for 10 years→ Yo Bro so fat that when he farted, Mars came out...and I ain't talkin bout the 'sweetie'→ You Nana so fat that when she went for a swim in the ocean she caused a 60 foot tidal wave.→ Yo Music teacher so freakin Fat that she whistles Bass→ Yo Postman so fat he got his very own Post Code→ You cousin so fat she's on Both sides of the family.→ Yo Girlfriend so fat I ask her to go get a Curry and she bring back 80 pounds of gravy.→ Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar.→ Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress for a maxipad→ Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman's pastry→ Yo Sister so fat she got a new job DJ'ing for the Ice Cream Van.→ Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.→ Yo Dog so fat that when you take it 'walkies' it don't know whether it walking or rolling→ Your Mommas so fat, when it says All you can eat it still ain't enough.→ Yo' Astronomer so fat she plays pool with Venus....and Neptune...and pluto...and...

→ Yo Moma...

→ has 10 fingers -- all on the same hand.→ has green hair and thinks she's a Tree.→ has a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.→ has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavers→ has one short leg and that why she always walking in circles...→ has a major weight problem - she can't wait...to eat.→ got a house that's so dusty, the Cockroaches drive around in Dune Buggies→ got a glass eye with a fish in it.→ got so much hair on her upper lip she has to braid it→ got so much dandruff that a Midgie landed on her head and said: "Christ, I aint' seen this much snow in years."→ got so much hair on her chest that her Breasts remind me of Coconuts...→ is a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail...
 

→ Anything Yo's

→ Yo Grannies got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.→ You got no arms, no legs, and when you go swimming they call you Bob→ Yo Wife got more weave than a dog in rush hour traffic.→ Yo Girlfriend got an ElectroWig - including sunroof and Opera lights→ Yo Big brother got a wooden nipple and they call him Corky.→ Yo Priest got ears so big he gets satellite reception.→ Your kid bro got more crust round his mouth than a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.→ Yo Milkman's teeth so damn yellow I can't believe it's not butter→ Your Wife getting so old she startin to fart out Mummy dust→ Yo Mother in law so yellow you'd think she'd been blowing the Simpsons→ Yo mama's got a wooden leg with branches. Yo' baby sister got more mouth than Julia Roberts→ Yo' Boy next door got an Afro with a turn signal in it.→ Yo Doc' got 1 wooden leg with a real foot.→ You geeky Star Wars girlfriend got more bum fur than an Ewok.→ Yo Mommy got so many gaps in her teeth it reminds me of Piano keys→ Yo Best Friend only got two fingers and she's a representative for world peace.→ Yo' humor webmaster so desperate for money he got a wooden leg with advertisements stapled to it.→ You Computer Geek friend got one tooth and they call him Chomping-at-the-Bits→ Yo' Nana's teeth so damb black you'd think she had coal for her dinner→ Yo Grannie had more men than the grand old duke of york...and then some...→ Your Auntie got one leg...and folk call her Eileen→ Yo kid sister got so many rings round her belly that she gotta screw her underware on→ Yo cousin got 3 teeth ... one in her mouth and two in her pocket.→ Yo PE teacher has one arm and swims round in circles→ Yo Dentist got Summer teeth...summer in his mouth....summer in his trouser pockets...→ You Wife got more crack than harlem→ Your Dentist made yo teeth so crooked you use them to cut chain at the DIY store.