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Friday, 2 March 2012

FUNNY SMS MESSAGES

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→ 20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand
 


→ A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.
 


→ Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!
 


→ At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before.


→ Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
 


→ Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.
 


→ BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
 


→ Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!
 


→ Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.
 


→ Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .
 


→ Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .
 


→ Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !
 


→ E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.


→ Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.


→ For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?"


→ God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!


→ God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!


→ HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!


→ Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.
 


→ Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..


→ How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?


→ I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing!


→ I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T


→ I am not your type ... I am not inflatable.


→ I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...


→ I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the 
glass is empty i just take the next one!



→ I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils...
 


→ If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.
 


→ If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.


→ If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.


→ Ik would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is working!


→ In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!


→ It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!!


→ Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???


→ Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number!


→ My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick."


→ My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment...

→ Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it?


→ One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.


→ Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.
 


→ Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed


→ roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????


→ roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't...


→ Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold 
their mobile in their right hand ..................


→ Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!
 


→ The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??
 


→ The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !
 


→ They dropped your name, can you pick it up ?
 


→ This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
 


→ This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
 


→ This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."


→ This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!


→ Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?


→ We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die."


→ We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!


→ What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed!
 


→ When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
 


→ You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance.


→ You are never too blond to learn !!!
 


→ You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number
 


→ You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.
 


→ You should know what it takes to look this cheap!
 


→ You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you
 


→ You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it?
 


→ You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number
 


→ You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.
 


→ Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!
 


→ It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also important that these 3 men should never meet!


→ A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!


→ i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!


→ Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!


→ Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!


→ Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster


→ A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home


→ At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on


→ The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?


→ i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

Thursday, 1 March 2012

FUNNY SMS



 //life of a sharabi//
   #include
   salad main( );
  {
  int desi,angreji;
  cout<<“peg taan bna khara jeha..buraahhhhhhhhhhhh”
  for(peg=1;peg<=bottle;peg++)
 {
 if(peg<=bottle)
 cout<<“I want more peg”;
 else cout<<“Talli”;
 }
 nali ch( );
 }




 Forward to you friends and get funny reply’s. . !
“imagine I am in jail
what you think that
What crime I had done”
Reply must. . .



→ Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.



→ Birds Birds in the sky dropped a pooty in my eye,
I don”t worry I don”t cry,
I”m just happy that cows can”t fly!



→ If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!



→ It’s very easy
to eat sweet chocolate,
speak sweet words,
watch sweet dreams
but
It’s very difficult
to
find a sweet person.
but I salute you.
that you find me.



→ Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don't even have a bid car like rohit. But I really love you!
Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit.



.→ Who said English is easy???
Fill in the blank with YES or No…
1.—–I dont have brain…
2.—–I dont have sence…
3.—–I am stupid….



→ Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth


→ What is similarity between Bill Gates and me?
Don’t know??
He never comes to my house
and I never go to his house
EGO PROBLEMS YOU KNOW…



→ Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.



→ Can we do romance in the evening today?
I’m in a good mood
Just a little bit of kissing and biting
reply me soon!
yours lovingly
“MOSQUITO”



→ A Love Letter from BISCUIT MAKER- Dear Marie, Today is Good Day, U r Anmol for me... But U have Crackjacked my Heart, Bcoz I have a Little Heart, Now I m in 50/50 position...


→ Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!



→ Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business?

Student: "Father in law".



→ World ’s shortest jokes:
2 Women sitting quietly!
2 pathan playing chess!
GirlFriend pays the bill.
Need more?!
U r so beautiful



→ An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got knowledge, I can sit in society. What do you have?
Sweeper: I have the job.



→ Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.



→ Calendar of Love
January = Rose
February = Propose
March = Gift
April = Lift
May = Chatting
June = Dating
July = Miss
August = Kiss
September = Marriage
October = Broke up
November = Rest
December = Next
Have a nice year ahead.



→ Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too... Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.


→ Power of Mathematics
One day a box wasn’t opening.
Lawyer came, applied all laws but it didn’t open
Chemist came, applied all reactions but it didn’t open
Physician came, applied all forces but no change
Even the biologist failed
mathematician came & said
.
.
.
Let’s Suppose the Box is Open



→ Man: Among my 4 sons 3 are engineer.
Friend: 4th?
Man: He didn’t study & became a barber.
Friend: Why don’t you throw him out?
Man: He is the only 1 who earns.



→ Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!



→ Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."



→ In the corridor of a government office
was a sign board reading
“Don’t make any noise.”
Someone added the following words
“Otherwise, we might wake up”



→ Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.


→ Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.



→ A boy came running in the kitchen,Boy:Dad, There is an ugly monster at the door
Dad(Looking at his wife):
Tell him we have already got one!



→ Good news! A new way to send Romantic kiss to your girlfriend. Just call me and order your kiss. I will personally go and deliver it.


→ Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!


→ Maths teacher asked JOHNY
“If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?
JOHNY replied “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.



→ It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.


→ Guide: I welcome you all to Niagara Falls.
These are the world’s largest waterfalls
and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high,
even 20 supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite
so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?



→ There is a sign in the toilet of the sex change clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.


→ A chines couple,Mr Hua & Mrs Hua
got twin babies after marriage.
They named them, Jo-Hua , So-Hua.
Next year they got one more baby.
They named Ye-Kia-Hua



→ Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.



→ Announcement in a university:
“Will the students who parked on the driveway, please move their cars…”
20 minutes later:
“Will the 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes…”



→ Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!




→ Police arrested a drunkard & asked:
Where are you going?
Man: I’m going to listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnight ??
Man: My wife…



→ Do u remember the day we travelled in a car?
I put my dog out of the window,
u put ur face out,
then people started shouting
TWINS TWINS


→ A boy of 1st class to her teacher.
Do you like me?
Miss. So sweet.
Student: When should I sent my parents to your home?
Miss. Why?
Student: To talk about us.
Miss: What are you saying?
Student: For tuition.
→ Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
“can kids of our age have kids?”

Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”

Boy said to girl :
“see i told you not to worry!!!!”.
→ A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.
Dad asked: how did u feel?
He replied: Dad it was wonderful.
Everyone was clapping for me
Moral: Take everything positively



→ Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!



→ Are you idiot?
Why you keep sending me SMS?
Who gave my number to you?
Never message me again.
Did I ever said that.
Than why don’t you sending SMS.
→ What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.

Choice is urs……..:p


→ age of drinks;
1 to 3 milk
3 to 8 cerelac
9 to 13 horlicks
14 to 25 bear
26 to 40 whisky
41 to 60 tonic
after 60 anytime
“GANGA JAL



→ Q- What is the height of CONFIDENCE?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans- A 99 years old woman buying a SIM card with LIFE-TIME validity.



→ Who walks with us
through the difficult part of life?
Mon Dad?
No!
Husband Wife?
No!
Friends?
No!
One and only our slippers!!!!
So keep them safe



→ LOVE V/S EXAM
LOVE: lots of thoughts in mind but no guts to express
EXAMS: lots of guts to express but no thoughts in mind



→ One frog asked Astrologer: Please tell my future
Astrologer: A smart girl will touch you.
Frog: Great..! But when & where?
Astrologer: next semester in Zoology lab



→ A foreigner had very spicy Indian dinner.
Next morning he came out of the toilet & said,
now i understand Why indian use water.
Tissue Can catch fire…



→ Patient: Please don’t give me the injection.
I’m afraid of it’s pain.
Doctor: Don’t worry!!
I’ll inject you first that kills the pain!!!!



→ Son: The girl of our neighbors
don’t understand English.
Father: How do you know?
Son: I said to her “Give Me Sweet Kiss”
and she slapped me.



→ Funny Definitions
Home: A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor: A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.
Love: Loss Of Valuable Energy
Wife: Worries Invited For Ever



→ Mr.Bean got an Invitation for a Party,
They told him that he must put BROWN TIE only.
When he went to party he was shocked?
other were wearing pants & shirts also…



→ A typical student flips a coin and think.
If Head- will go to sleep.
If Tail- will watch a move.
If Stands- will listen music.
If Stays in air- will study



→ He+She= Love.He+She+Love=Marriage.He+She+Love+Marriage=Child.He+She+Love+Marriage+Child=Family.
AND
He+She+Love+Marriage+Child+ Family=Problem.
So my dear friend
Be careful.



→ Hi all,
Let get stupid and Celeberate Miss call day
Send dis msg to ur frnds n get misbels in reply.
But reply me 1st



→ A student wrote a letter
to his father from hostel:
Dear dad…!
No money,No fun.
Your son!
His father replied:
Dear son!
So sad,Very bad
Your dad!







→  The best prank call ever:-

“Hello, Dominos..??”

“Yes sir, how may I help you?”

“Give me Pizza Hut’s number !













→ A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on 




the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.



Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged 




into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and 


poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.



"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new 




powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed 




the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the 



lady.


The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"


"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady





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